The problem that modern women are
‘ The essence of a woman is that she is the one who teaches men what loving and caring is all about. ’
-- Miss Universe Shushmita Sen when winning her pageant crown
India is basically a nation of faiths. People are ritualistic-religion oriented. The women society is still, by and large, into talking on upcoming festivals, the successes of their husbands, the achievements of their children, the food n clothes they have lately themselves bought, relationship between- other people, neighbourhood, etc.
Afterwards, they privately put their shared information on a comparison against each other. Quite often they have reasons, some very possessive, or protective reasons for doing this comparisons. Like, they don't like their ward to lose out, defeated, down played by the rival woman.
This process is very commonplace in our society, setting another source for envy, or female-induced competition amongst men and children alike.
Children are mostly a true and sincere ward of their parents. Hence they are chip of the old block.
The probable cures may stem from the observation that good scientific knowledge is elusive in most mothers. Besides, the women community has scarce discernment in the morality and ethics arguments.
Many women have become very unbearable to me. Indeed, modern women are no more that epitome of the classic 'essence of a woman'. They are less tolerant, more susceptible to stress propelled psychological problems, less value-inclined, lesser capable of handling the complications and nuances of modern life. They are poor at balancing a relationship, particularly with one of their own gender. I raise these propositions from the observations I have made in life of my own sisters and my bhabhi(s).They all are high educated girls, and opportunely landed as wives of high ranking government official and professionals. But, sadly, none of these women have any work-ex. How this shortfall results into problems of marital life is what I would like to highlight. Many of these high-end marriages are now lying ruined, many within the first few months of the wedding itself. These women have themselves not been through the rigmarole of ups and downs that their husbands have during the making of career. Women have landed directly as the wives of big ranks which is why they are deficit in many qualities such as- stress-management lacking reflected very occasionally through losing patience and tolerance, un-contemplated un-soothing speech - (immense bitter-mouthing), uneasy silence; technology-ignorance, lacking sense about businesses and general mercantile principles, snobbish attitude (by this I specifically imply- to be able to charmingly conduct mean and plebeian's activities when need be so). They feel themselves to be on the rank that their husbands are, resulting in their personal management being poor. they all want to be goody-goody girls, with high dreams of married life. In practice they are very often going over the side.
I have purposely not described modern women as impatient, ignorant, irate, grumpy and such, because these are quite broad terms to encompass many other features, which they definitely must be having. My charges are based on some specific observations I have made in course of time. To cite a few:-
During the traffic jam, she was becoming restless, stressed, summarily doing what is called the backseat driving. Then she irritated into giving up listening to music which is sometimes needed for soothing the driver's(her husband's) temper. Her stresses could have infected him too. She suffers from physical signs of stress as leg-swelling, loss of appetite, snobbish, when under stress. The long stretch road trip, however comfortable and comparatively small it was, could not prevent the physical signs of stress from showing up. In our jobs we have become more practiced in handling them.
They out-of-place get into the PDA's.
One day we decided to have the famous parathas of Chandini Chowk. The constricted lanes of the city, the fumes of burnt fat from the oil of parathas, the long walk down in the crowded marketplace where infuriating her, it appeared. She was serious, devoid of her usual cheerfulness. I was doubting if she would take exceptions to why did we bring her to such a place!
Then, when we went to see the Taj and Dargah of Chisti , she was obviously more interested in doing the ritual practices of the place, taking the guide’s traditions-promoting descriptions as the more appealing narratives for the historical places. She is herself a high educated woman, doing a doctorate in History related subject; and I was amused, this was her personal inclination towards the entire subject. Would her thesis be free of malice of her enveloping environment, free of her personal ritualistic beliefs, be sufficiently formulated on scientific and clinical observations -- I was questioning to myself.
When her husband suffered a minor jolt in his career, she made all the hues about how other ladies in her neighbourhood would think about it. She explained that all that she wanted of her husband was that he should always be on top of everything; excel in whatever he does. The inside ‘envy’ devil of me was as though finding some fresh blood for a resurrection, in her words. The goldie oldie track of Kishore Kumar “jab koi baat bigad jaye, jab koi mushkil pad jaye….” was revisiting my thoughts as her favourite one. Has she have her favourites changed??
The occupation-rehearsed toiling husband becomes her matter of concern in picking her luggage only on that day, more out of her own guilt of amassing so excessive accessories for herself in the luggage. She has just had her first experience of separation from her friends after a short stay together and thus wants us to show same emotions of nostalgia for which we are habituated for n-times in our 10 year service life. She is very religious girl wanting to 'edify' us, contrasting our extreme exposure to high technology, myriad cultures and philosophies and travel wisdom that stems within us thereon.
Owing to marriage, she has directly landed where we have taken 10year to reach. She has good academic knowledge but doesn’t display much the values absorbed from it. She is less debated, lesser crossed in her opinion till her sheltered living in her parents home.
Oppression and subjugation of any human is a very heinous act. Women in medieval India have suffered this inhuman ordeal. But in turn, it made them immensely patient, giving, an epitome of self- control, better stress-managers, somebody for whom any human would go all-out do a saviour act even by laying his own life. Perhaps it is this image of woman that led to forming of highly biased- almost draconian- laws as the dowry act. Many people, then, decided to promote and awaken the demanding for rights in their daughters. The pendulous extreme consequence of the awakening is that modern woman are only demanding of their rights and not granting or surrendering a dime even if it be in the need of keeping the relationship. This over grown conscientious has backfired on the man-woman relationship.
In the present times if I were to give an answer to the question of essence of a man, I would say the same about men what Shusmita Sen said in her famous universe-conquering answer.